Accepted: It's a gift

*Drum Roll Please*

Bree Reynolds

am SO irrefutably,

undeniably,

unmistakeably,

AMAZINGLY

good at

..........

.............

.................

.........................

injuring myself!

It is a talent that I have mastered over the years.

A badge I wear ~~painfully~~ proudly!

Let me peak your visual curiousity with examples taken from the last 8 months.

Shall we?

We can start with....

That time that I bought a bike from Walmart

(why even say more? My mistake clearly began with that decision).

My hubby and I had just moved to Oregon. Coming from Arizona where sunshine is liquid lava vomited from a fireball in the sky - we could not resist the opportunity to experience a summer day warmed by a tenderly cautious sun and the chance to be outdoors without melting! So we bought ourselves some street bikes and adventured across the Burnside Bridge to enjoy the caffeinated city of Portland. On our way back up the grueling bridge, the petal broke off of my bike in the middle of traffic and I skid along the asphalt. I ended that amazing adventure with this beauty on my elbow (that left a scar as an article of remembrance) and an injury to my ribs, thigh and stomach.

How about the time:

I walked my Dog

The thoughtful parent that I am to my furry kids gets the better of me, sometimes. I have an obsession with all things S A N D and S E A S A L T so I impulsively decided to take my puppies with me to the beach - for the first time - by myself!!! Long story short:

My Dog (Red) + Other People's Dogs =

a pointer finger nearly amputated by a leash.

Then, there are moments when little to no effort whatsoever is required to produce the fruit of my talent.

For example:

The Time I...

Went to Sleep?

It was a normal, overcast morning. My alarm woke me up at the delightful hour of 5:30am. I pawed at my phone and with one eye barely opened, I swiped the arrow across the screen to silence the screeching. I reached for my blanket and threw the covers off me with one quick moment of my left hand! As I laid my right hand down on the bed and began to lift myself from the soft mattress in one quick movement, I felt fire speed through my veins and I let out a howl! I looked down at my right hand and to my confusion, shock and unexplainable intrigue, my eyes set upon a CLAW!

My tendons had inflamed in the middle of the night and had set themselves in the shape of a lobster-claw. I couldn't open my hand for 5 days.

But let's not forget about the moments when I seek to "better myself" & I am uncomfortably reminded of my genetic uncoordination. Like the time I:

Went for a run

I often think too highly of myself. It's quite similar to the concept of: "my eyes are too big for my stomach". Although, this is more like: "My-faith-in-myself-is-far-too-big-for-my-actual-capability". In this particular moment of inflated self-confidence, I made an impulsive decision to go for a run, without stretching, after a 3 week gap of not running due to being sick. It wasn't good enough to 'take it slow' and just jog on smooth concrete. I actually thought I could run the speed, length and on the terrain of an outdoor, off-street marathon. After an obviously epic failure of attempting to run UP HILL - I ended up with tendinitis in the knee and a dislocated knee cap.