I am really excited to share with you my "Spotlight Feature" for March. I have had the privilege of knowing this amazing woman for a few years now & as I get to know her more & more, I am just in awe of who she is. She has overcome some major hardships in her life and has become one of the most amazing women I know. Her story is incredibly powerful. I hope it touches you in the way it has touched me.
It is my pleasure to introduce you to:
Megan Mowbray
“I always wanted to have kids. I loved taking care of my younger siblings and I knew I definitely wanted at least 2 of my own kids before I turned 25.”
Megan struggled in school. She spent most of her life moving. She moved approximately 30 times as a child. At the age of 14, she was diagnosed with Dyslexia, Bi-Polar Disorder, OCD and Anxiety Disorder. She always felt awkward & out of place at school & with people her own age. She found herself without a lot of friends, spending most of her free time singing or working out.
At 16, Megan dropped out of High School. At age 20, she joined the United States Marine Corps. While in boot camp she sustained an injury to the knee which lead the Marines to discover her personal medical history. When given the choice to stay and finish boot camp or return home, Megan made the decision to return home.
After boot camp, Megan visited friends in AZ. She reconnected with a childhood friend, Ben Chiles, whom she had met at 10 years old at his father’s church. “We were really close friends and I always had the biggest crush on him, but never told him. We hung out a few times while I was visiting AZ and then I went back to NY.”
In January 2008, Megan became pregnant with her first child.
“I had a few miscarriages before I got pregnant. I had one in Dec 2007 and was told I would never be able to carry a child full term. Ben & I weren’t trying, but we weren’t trying to prevent it either because I was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids.”
When the gender of her first born was revealed and she found out she was having a girl, Megan was thrilled. “I was really excited because I never had a close relationship with my mother and I really wanted a close mother-daughter relationship.” Growing up, Megan’s mother was both physically and mentally abusive. Their relationship remains estranged even today.
From the moment her pregnancy began, Megan had complications. She threw up from the moment of conception until a week after giving birth to Jolie. She had trouble putting on weight, lost her vision, and started having contractions at 25 weeks. “I was constantly terrified of losing her.”
Jolie was born in October 2008. “She had a full head of dark hair and the most perfect looking face I have ever seen on a person. She was super alert & looking at everything. I remember holding her for the first time and her legs shot out and she was already trying to stand.”
As every first-time Mother does, Megan struggled with adjusting to Motherhood.
“I breastfed Jolie for 13 months and those first few weeks were bad. She wanted to nurse constantly and being a new mom, I really had no idea what I was doing. I remember just staying up, trying to breastfeed her and crying. I felt like I wasn’t feeding her enough because she wasn’t putting on any weight. Any time I tried to put her down, she would scream. She demanded to be held constantly and was up every 2 hours. I got very little sleep for those first 13 months.”
What, at first, seemed like a simple ‘battle of the wills’ slowly began to grow into something more challenging. As Jolie aged, Megan began to see personality traits in her that made her suspect something deeper was going on. “I started to suspect that there was something more going on with Jolie than just being a high needs baby. She was almost obsessed with me and would fall apart anytime I wasn’t holding her. I kept asking our doctor if there was something different about Jolie because she wasn’t really talking a lot, wasn’t sleeping, started refusing to eat any solid foods, and was doing a lot of repetitive behaviors (spinning, lining things up, etc).”
Megan brought her concerns and suspicions up to her doctor and found little resolve. “The doctor told me there was nothing wrong with her. It really pissed me off because I felt like people were looking at me like I was a bad Mom because my daughter wasn’t doing all the things that other babies her age were doing.”
When Jolie turned 13 months, Megan became pregnant with her second child. “Halfway through my pregnancy with Maddox, I started to feel that having a second child wasn’t such a good idea. How on Earth was I going to take care of Jolie (who was already so demanding) and a newborn?” In a transparent display of vulnerability, Megan writes: “I never told anyone my doubts about having a second child. It made me feel like I was a terrible Mom.”
Maddox was born in July 2010. He was born a giggling, independent baby; much different from Jolie’s dependent persona. “Sometimes I would feel Maddox didn’t even need me. When he refused to breastfeed at 4 months old, I was heartbroken.”
Newly introduced to the pressures of raising two children only 21 months apart and completely opposite in personality, Megan was also facing her unresolved concerns for Jolie’s verbal developmental delay. Jolie was now 2 and she still was not talking. It was at that doctors visit that Megan finally received an answer for Jolie – one that she had been dreading all along.
“She was diagnosed with Autism. I felt so many things when I was told that my daughter had Autism. At first, I was really pissed because I was told several times by doctors, family members, and friends that Jolie was fine and that I was wrong. I was pissed at myself because I felt that it was my fault that she had it. I knew there was a family history of it (Megan’s youngest brother Cody has been diagnosed with Autism, Mental Retardation, and Bi-Polar Disorder) and I felt that I was being selfish for having kids in the first place when I knew there was a possibility that they would have Autism. I felt my heart break into pieces when I thought about how this would affect Jolie. Would she ever be able to say “I love you" or tell me her wants and needs? Would I ever be able to have a conversation with her? Would I ever be able to go do girly things with her like painting her nails? Will she ever be able to live on her own? I had so many questions and no one had the answers for me. I hated the word “Autism”. I hate when people refer to their child as "my Autistic child". The last thing that I wanted was for the world to look at my daughter and to only see Autism.”
Feeling confused, angry & uncertain about her daughter’s future, Megan fearfully found herself noticing familiar behaviors in her second child.
“As Maddox got older, I started to notice some of the things I had noticed with Jolie: not always responding to his name, doing repetitive behaviors, sensory issues about his clothing, and no real speech. I thought that maybe I was just seeing it because I was paranoid, but when he wasn't talking by the age of two we took him to the doctor. He was also diagnosed with Autism.”
Megan was overwhelmed. The normal challenges of raising two toddlers was significantly maximized. Instead of typical toddler temper tantrums, her children were having meltdowns. Screaming, kicking, throwing themselves on the ground, trying to hurt themselves - all the while unable to verbally communicate what was causing the breakdown. Their meltdowns could last for over an hour.
“Taking them in public is always a challenge because I never know if the store I'm in has lights, sounds, or smells that will drive my kids insane. In addition to that, Jolie is a flight risk. She has absolutely no sense of danger and will take off in a split second.”
In the midst of a long list of obstacles integrated into parenting Jolie & Maddox, Megan has gained something of a much deeper value. She has uncovered a beauty in her children unlike any other & has learned lessons that no other children could ever teach her.
“I'm not going to lie to you; Autism is a challenge. Your life will never be the same after you have a child with Autism. You give up sleep, you go through constant battles of wills with your child, and you may lose friends because some people just don't understand your world. However, for me, my children have taught me so many things that I wouldn't trade for the world. My children taught me how to love deeper than I ever thought possible. They taught me that normalcy is overrated and that it's much more fun to be different.”
The single most important tool Megan has found when acclimating to parenting her children and their specific needs is to throw away the label of “Autism” all together & to see each of her children for exactly who they are as individuals.
"Jolie is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She has the biggest heart and loves to give kisses and hugs. For those who have met Jolie I'm sure you would agree that there is just something about Jolie that captures you. She brings you into her world. She just recently started saying "I love you". She has the sweetest little voice and I fight back tears every time I hear it. She is also incredibly smart. Jolie loves music and is always singing and playing her guitar. Sometimes I just stare at her and wonder how I got so lucky to be her Mom."
"Maddox has always been a happy boy. He is so engaging and just loves to make people laugh. He adores his big sister and wants to be just like her. Maddox is my little helper and definitely a mama's boy. He is also very smart and is always trying to catch up to sissy when it comes to know his alphabet and numbers. Maddox would spend the entire day just running and I can totally see him being a jock when he's older. He is such a little charmer and it's really difficult to discipline him because he is so cute. I truly cherish the alone time I have with Maddox while Jolie is at school."
Remembering back to how she felt as a new mom, newly introduced to raising two children with Autism, Megan offers advice to parents struggling with accepting Autism and the impact it has on their life and their child’s life.
“My advice to parents is - Autism is not the end of the world.
It's okay to be upset, and even angry, that your child has Autism.
It's okay to ask for help.
It's okay to take a break.
You are not alone!"
"Remember that your child didn't ask for this and you did nothing wrong to cause your child to have Autism. There is so much about Autism that we don't know yet and no two children with Autism will be exactly alike. So find out what works best for you and your child."
"There will be judgment from people and other parents. At first it will be difficult to ignore it, but don't waste your time and energy on trying to explain your world to them. Celebrate the milestones your child has, no matter how small. I remember the first time Jolie got on the school bus and turned around and said "Goodbye!". I was so happy that I started crying and was dancing in the street."
"Don't excuse all of your child's behavior because they have Autism. Yes, children with Autism need to be taught things differently, but they are still children. They need boundaries, rules, routines, and discipline."
"Don't take away their childhood by putting them in therapy all day. Let them be kids. Let them be different. Find ways to enjoy the things they enjoy. For a while, Jolie was obsessed with hats. She always had a Viking hat on and anytime someone came into the house, she demanded that they wear a hat as well. I always felt completely ridiculous, but Jolie was smiling from ear to ear."
"Most importantly, Autism does not define who your child is. My children are my greatest teachers. They are my inspiration and motivation to be a better mom and person. I can't imagine my life without them. My world revolves around my two little loves - Jolie love and Maddox love - and I wouldn't have it any other way.”
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Megan is currently in college for Criminal Justice. For an assignment, she wrote an essay about her daughter Jolie. She has generously provided this for your viewing. To read her essay, click here: I believe in Jolie
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If you have a story you would like to tell, submit it to: br33.reynolds@gmail.com.
*Not all stories submitted will be shared.
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